It's That Time Again...

Hey everyone!

So it's been awhile since my last posting. I'm not even sure if there is all that much to update you on.

Let's start with the most recent topics and we'll see if there is anything else that will pop into my head that I should post.

Valentine's Day has come and gone. In preparation of this day, I spent about two weeks roughly, shopping for a new outfit to wear out to dinner with Mike. I wanted to go someplace special this year, as we haven't in the past. I was determined to find a dress of some kind and of course, that in itself can be quite the adventure. I decided to try and go shopping with someone that...well, let's just say that the relationship has become quite awkward and complicated when it shouldn't be...but anyways, moving on. It felt that each place we walked into, she would pick up something that was really terrible, saying it was cute. Now mind you, if she thought it was cute, that's great for her. She could put anything on and still look amazing...I, however, couldn't do that. I'm also a very simple and plain design person. I'm not into the frills, the bows, the ruffles, poofs, crazy patterns, etc. But no matter what it was, she kept trying to get me to try on these dresses...I was firm in saying no. I ended up finding something, but I misread the price tag, and about died! This pretty red dress was on clearance, but they still wanted $100 for it. I'm sorry, but I'm not prepared to spend that kind of money on something that I will most likely wear once. No thanks, next. That day ended with no success whatsoever. Now, this girl and I had talked about trying again the next week...however, I didn't hear from her until the night before. At that point, I had already asked my mom to join me, since I hadn't heard from her until the last minute. I don't do last minute...sorry. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate the last minute thing, and not to mention, but sometimes it feels or is perceived as though the person doing the last minute thing is hoping to have better plans to come along, and when they don't, then okay, I guess I'm free....Sorry, I hate that. (Sorry for the rant).  So my mom and I headed out to go shopping. We found a dress at Kohl's and it was on sale. I really liked it and ended up going to the checkout. Now, the woman rang it up, without blinking tells me the price....the original price, $130. I asked her why it was that price, and I was told it was tax. I pointed to the tag and said, "The tag says it is on sale for $56." I think the woman might have been new, or never worked during a sale, because they had to process my card, then refund it...Great, I'm thinking...Now I have to explain this to Mike. Anyways, moving on. I found some heels, yes, I said it...heels, to go with the dress and the outfit was finished. I had got to thinking that I didn't have a nice coat...in fact, I only have one coat, and it's not a dressy one. So my mom and I headed to Kohl's again a couple of days later, and I found a $200 coat for $24. Score!

I got Mike two gifts for Valentine's Day. He didn't have a clue as to what they were, nor how I had come up with the idea of it. I found online a replica of an 1800s Ireland map. I told him that I figured that we could frame it and hang it somewhere, maybe trace where we've travelled or not, didn't matter. The second gift was a book that I made, literally, about the reasons that I love him. There are about 55 pages maybe? I designed the cover, the title, title page and then went through their page collections and selected which ones that I wanted to put into this book. It turned out really well, and we laughed as he read through each page. I can't tell you how happy I was that these gifts went over so well! I made the joke that if he is ever mad at me, that we need to read that book...but really, I don't see him getting mad at me for any reason. We're too good for each other and we respect one another so much that we've yet to fight or argue about anything. I see a great future based on that foundation! <3

Now, I made reservations at the Broadmoor Hotel for dinner on Valentine's Day. I've never been inside that hotel. I've driven by it a million times, but never set foot inside. Mike's parents (thank you for this amazing gift) had given Mike and me a gift certificate to the hotel, so we both thought it would be put to good use at the dinner. The food was great and we really enjoyed ourselves, even though it was a late night for both of us.

At dinner, there was a young couple, if you would consider them a couple, sitting behind us. They weren't yet 21, because they said no to the wine list. I think this had to have been their second or third day maybe? The conversations seemed one sided, and she didn't seem interested, and he sounded like a sleaze. No joke...here is some of the things that he said to her that night:

"After like, the first or second time I met you, I drove by your house like four times." (Creepy)

*When the band played a Beatles song* "You know Lennon and the rest of them were really great guys." (I started to drown out this conversation because it was losing my interest in how he made it seem that he knew them all personally)
"I know you said that you've never stayed here before, so do you want to? Like with me?" (What?!)

The waitress asked them if they wanted dessert, and he started to protest, but she told her that she wanted to look at them. I couldn't help but smile. Not only was this guy cheap but he was checking out every woman that walked past their table...slime ball, you're on a date!

So Mike and I compared that horrible date to the blind date that we witnessed when we went to Seattle last year. We had to laugh at how awkward and uncomfortable that whole situation was. For everyone involved and in earshot.

So, my friend, and I have been doing P90X almost daily now. Her cousin has been joining us two to three times a week. I'm definitely starting to feel it. I am feeling good about getting up early, though some mornings it is tough, and getting into shape. It's a process, but it's going to be so worth it in the end. Mike even tried his hand, as best as he could with his limitations due to his shoulder, with the program last night. I was proud of him for giving it the best that he could. I'm looking forward to getting active with him, and seeing us both reach our goals. I think we'll both be happier in the long run!

Willow has been getting cuter every day that I see her. She smiles big when she sees me, but I know that it's nothing compared to the smiles that she gives when she sees her daddy! She is getting to become super smart. She's still counting, and she's asking questions and has great hand-eye coordination! I make it a point to read and count to her each day that I see her. She started to sing to my mom's music, and so I downloaded a kid's piano on the kindle for her to play with. She really loves to push the buttons and hear music, of course, she loves to slide her finger down the whole length of the keyboard too. It's funny to hear her laugh too. Another game that I downloaded for her, is a drawing game. It's not really a game, as it just allows her to make lines and squiggles as she moves her hand/finger across the screen. The last time I was over there, she started to chase me around the table, and realized that she wouldn't catch me if she followed me, so she changed directions. I bust out laughing at her ingenuity! She thinks it's funny to chase and be chased! It's her favorite game!

The weather here has been a bit on the bipolar side.  We've had some great days that were on the warmer side, but then we'll have a week or two that are cold, sometimes miserably so. We have had some flurries, but the ground has been so warm that nothing sticks. Just because it's not sticking, doesn't mean it's still not cold...like this morning! Even being in bed doesn't help the body stay warm!

There have been a few things lately that have made me think rather hard and has put some things into perspective for me. One of them is my relationships with my friends. I have come to terms to who I would rather spend my time with, and who I don't really want to be around anymore. I feel like I did once before about two and a half years ago, where each time I was around said person, I would suddenly feel two inches tall, felt like I wasn't worth much and just down on myself. I don't ever need to feel like that, and with time, I stopped being around that person. I've done this before, and I can do it again. It's never fun to have to realize that the people you thought were good friends turns out to be lying to you and treating you like you're not important enough or whatever enough. There was a show that I had seen a while ago, one of those style shows that this woman who was getting a makeover had said that she was terrified that the people giving her a makeover would put her into a dress because all of her friends had told her that they would be making fun of her and tormenting her for being in a dress. My first thought was," If your friends are going to do that to you for wearing a dress, you need better friends." But it suddenly hit me that I'm doing the exact same thing. I've always been afraid of what people are going to say or think of me, especially my friends or "friends", but no more. I'm not sure where or how this came to be, but I really don't care anymore. Most of these "friends" that I am talking about, it's not like we have much if anything at all in common with one another. So why waste my time, energy and my feelings by continually going around for more like a whipped dog? I've finally said no more. I'm not looking back on this decision either.
As for the other half of this topic about friends, I've made a really fantastic friend, the one I work out with daily, and I see a great relationship building, and not just with her, but her sister and cousin. I can talk about everything and anything, and get some real support and advice, just like friends should be. We've got a good thing going and I can't wait to see how it turns out. In fact, we have a girl's night planned on this coming Tuesday, since Mike is working evenings that night. Dinner and a movie. It's going to be fun! I can't wait!
Now, I mentioned other relations at the beginning of this paragraph, and I can honestly say that this also applies to family. I realize that it could be considered uncouth and mean to think this way about blood, but I hate the fact that just because we're "family" means that we have to put up with the hate, anger, snooty attitudes, that "I'm better than you" mentality and the bitterness. I'm tired of it. Like I mentioned above in the friends section of this topic, I am done being the "convenient friend or family member", I am not going to just stick around and wait for you to take notice of me or say something friendly to me. In fact, I've made numerous attempts at trying to get a hold of some of them, asking questions, taking an interest in their lives, yet I am left with unanswered emails or texts or phone calls. The last time I got together with members of my family, left me frustrated, though I didn't show it, and flat out said," Never again. I'm done." I shouldn't have to feel like I'm doing something wrong by how my house is, how my personal life is, how I chose to decorate rooms, or who my friends are or even the relationship that I have with people in general. I'm not going to be that polite little girl who sits quietly in the corner while the "grown ups" talk. I'm not doing it anymore, and I shouldn't have to. If you don't like it, guess what? I've grown up. I'm not putting up with this charade any longer, and I shouldn't have to. Respect is a two way street. If you want it, try giving it first. It'll get you some where faster than just demanding it.
To better understand what I am talking about, I'll put it this way: I grew up watching every member of my family treat outsiders better than their own blood. It's still in the air as to why. Was it because we were trying to make ourselves better than what we are? Could it be possible that no one likes anyone in the family? Or are we so bitter with how our lives have turned out that we have to treat each other so poorly in order to make ourselves feel better? Pick any of these reasons, and you'll understand why I am putting a foot down and saying no more. I'm sick of this facade and I'm walking away.

I talked to my mom today about how frustrated I am about some of the current situations involving my brother and his home life, but I've been trying to tell myself that it isn't my life. However, I have a hard time just sitting there watching the things happen, and I end up venting to Mike and I always finish it up by saying how happy I am that it is him. We work well together, we are going to be doing things differently than how I was brought up, how my family was brought up and how I am seeing things happen with the others, and I just know that we aren't going to be like that.

Yes, I realize that I am going off on a tangent, but these things needed to be said. I also understand and acknowledge that this will upset a lot of people, but I have reached that point of not caring. My mentality as of late has been, "If they aren't going to waste time their time thinking about me, why should I waste my time thinking about them?" I used to fight this thought process, but after the last few months, I realize that this holds more truth than anything. It's pretty clear to me that I'm not wanted around, so fine. I don't care anymore. I have more important things that I could be doing. I used to feel rather sad about how much life I'd be missing out on regarding the others, but frankly, it's not like any of them are trying either. So why should I be the one to feel guilty?

Moving off of the depressing/running tangent rant that I have started.

Tomorrow, I am planning on trying a new photography experiment! I'm really excited and am hoping that it will turn out as cool as it does in my head! I want to tell you, but I can't give it away! If it turns out well, I'll post a sample. I'll have to run to the store to grab a few supplies, but I think this will work amazingly, if I get the right calculations!

I haven't made anything new in a while as far as meals go. I am going to try cooking chicken in a new way, and pray that it turns out! I made a whole chicken last night. I asked Mike what kind he wanted. I have made a honey roasted, a lemon rub, and a semi-spicy one. He requested a spicy one, and boy did I nail that one on the head! It was really good! I wanted more, but I've been cutting back on my portions lately. The other day, I made spaghetti, and the Italian in me wanted more, but I fought the urge to get more. I'm hoping that with the extra chicken meals and the smaller portions with the P90X workouts, that I will soon reach my goal. I'm determined to get somewhere with this, especially since I have to go to a wedding in October. I want to look good in that bridesmaid dress! Talk about pressure!

Mike's work is Mike's work. Nothing new, nothing changing...it is what it is. Poisonous!

Well, I think that does it. I'm not sure that there is much else for me to add, really. Hopefully, next posting I will have something more exciting and less ranting to post!

Until next time!